I figure turning 30 is momentous enough that I should blog about it. I’ve learned so much about life, myself, and others over the past decade that I wanted to take a few minutes to look back and reflect on those things. I’m going to concentrate on the things I’ve experienced over the last decade, as going back any further than that doesn’t seem very meaningful any more. If you decide to continue reading, I promise to try not to ramble so much.
Let’s start with something that I think about every single day of my life.
I am a very, very lucky man
A lot of what happens in life is entirely out of our control. I’m convinced at this point that the best we can do as individuals is put ourselves in the position to maximize the good things that happen to us, minimize the bad things, and take advantage of events or circumstances that can benefit us.
Please don’t misunderstand – I am a huge believer in hard work and planning (if you know me, you’ll know how much personal goals play a part in my life) – those are the things that put you in position to benefit from luck when it comes your way.
Just looking at my business, it is incredibly easy to see the role that luck has played. Consider the following:
- I just happened to specialize in a very particular CMS / platform that now powers a full 25% of publicly accessible websites on the internet
- I somehow managed to be one of the first development contractors for an amazing agency / group of people that provided me an astounding amount of meaningful benefits (honestly, it is hard for me to even list the number of ways that Modern Tribe nee Shane & Peter helped me as I was starting my freelance career – if you’re reading this, thank you so much)
- I was approached to write a book (and did so!) at 23, less than a year into my career, and was mentioned in a “For Dummies” book by an important industry figure – bucket list item complete!
What part did I play in any of these things? The only one I really took action to make happen is the second one, and even that one is kind of up in the air. The studio job ad on FreelanceSwitch (now defunct) was one of many I responded to and I’m sure that I was one of many freelancers they interviewed. That it worked out and we made such a connection was mostly luck (and I’m so happy it did).
Very bad things happen in life and they are not fair
My sister died 4 years ago. It was completely unexpected. One night I was texting her and the next morning my mom called me to tell me Renee was dead.
It took me a while to come to terms with the situation. I’m sure the same is true for anyone who loses a close friend or family member suddenly. I kept thinking “this isn’t fair” and I certainly don’t think I was wrong.
The simple truth of the matter is that life isn’t fair. Bad things happen to good people sometimes. Just like the good luck I mentioned above, these are often things we can’t control at all. We, collectively, have to deal with the situations the best we can and move on from there.
My wife is amazing
I was tempted to make this a general point about stable relationships being important, but I don’t feel qualified to speak in general about the way other people’s relationships work. Instead, I’ll just talk about the one I’m a part of.
Not to belabor the point or anything, but Angela, my wife, is amazing.
On December 18th, we’ll celebrate our 5th wedding anniversary. That day will also mark the 11th anniversary of the start of our relationship (when we visited the Museum of Science & Industry and looked at the Christmas trees). This may sound cliche, but I truly love Angela more than the day we got married and my affection for her continues to grow with each passing day.
I think about our relationship and am so happy that I have found a true partner in life. We complement each other in our strengths and weaknesses. At the same time, we are individuals with our own opinions – no person is subservient to the other. I feel like I’m not explaining it adequately, but this is the best I can do.
I look at what we have together and I hope that other couples we know have the same connection because it is truly amazing.
Needing help is not a sign of weakness
I mentioned above how hard it was dealing with my sister dying. After years of battling depression and hiding in my work, I finally went and got help in dealing with it. I didn’t believe I was ever going to be able to be happy again and now I’m happier than I’ve ever been before.
I was afraid of getting help because I thought it made me less of a man. I thought it meant I was broken – damaged goods in need of repair. I wish I had been less stubborn and spent less of my life in the state I was in.
If you need help for whatever reason, asking for it or seeking it out is not a sign of weakness. Please do not be scared like I was – you can most likely get the help you need and there are probably people around you who love you and care about you enough to help you get it if you need it.
Having friends is important
This may seem obvious to some of you, but I was oblivious to this fact until the last few years. I’ve always been an introvert and thought that I didn’t really need anybody else in my life other than my wife to be happy.
For me, this proved to be untrue. I needed people in my life who I can hang out with. People who shared a common interest. I found that through flag football and I’m so happy I did.
The one thing that is most important here is to find people who are truly your friend. We all have Twitter and Facebook friends / acquaintances these days, and that’s awesome. However, make sure that you are loyal to the people in your life and that you involve people in your life that will be loyal to you. People who will be there to help you out when you need it.
For me, I strive to be a true friend to the people I care about. So, if you ever need anything, please let me know!
Getting older doesn’t necessarily make you a bad athlete
This will be the last point because its a fun one. As I approached 30 I was a little worried that my skills as an athlete were going to diminish rapidly. I’d be just another workout warrior pumping iron and building my show muscles. Luckily for me, that’s not the case!
I’m so glad I found flag football here in Las Vegas a few years ago and have gotten the chance to compete the last few seasons. It has been unbelievably rewarding to test myself against other men (and a couple women) of varying skill levels as the years have gone by. I believe I have mostly succeeded in acquitting myself well.
Someday I expect my athleticism to fade, but I’m going to fight that battle as long as I can!
On to 40!
I’m excited to begin the next decade of my life and I can only hope it will be as fun and rewarding as the previous one has been. Thank you, sincerely, to all the people who have helped to shape the last 10 years of my life. It wouldn’t have been the same without you :-)